I honestly could not tell you when I officially became obese. It was some time in my early childhood. I have memories from elementary school and middle school all based around my weight. I was chubby, then husky, then big boned, then just plain fat. I was always the fat kid that was picked last in sports. I was slow. I was bullied in Elementary and middle school. I was always picked on because of my size.

I remember trying out for football in Middle school and was told I had to play Offensive line because of my size. I was never given the option to play anything else. I quit the team. I wanted to be a kicker. I played soccer for AYSO for several years. Of course where did you put the big fat kid? Goalie. I got use to having to settle for certain positions. My size did come with great strength. I remember playing in one game when we were winning, the other team took out their goalie to try to score. Once I got the ball I kicked the daylights out the ball and scored from the goalie box. It was one beautiful kick.

Outside of Soccer, I bowled on leagues as a kid and was on the Bowling team in Middle School and High School. My sports interactions were pretty limited. I did love learning Tae Kwon Do as a kid. I got a Black Belt in 1989. Despite knowing how to fight, I rarely got in trouble and was always trying to help others and make them happy.

The mental conditioning as a child started early and I was completely clueless. The severe lack of self-confidence was forming and would continue to spiral throughout my life. I stayed pretty active as a kid. We did play our share of video games but I loved being outdoors especially in the woods behind our house. I grew up in Rockford, Illinois. I can remember whenever I had money my friends and I would ride our bikes through the back of the subdivision and down the hill to the gas station. The money was all spent on junk food. Slim Jims, Reese Peanut butter cups, 3 Musketeers, kit kat or Hershey bars. Surprisingly I was a picky fat kid. If offered a candy bar, I would be the only one to ask what kind. Never cared for caramel or nuts. I was never a big fan of chocolate cake. I wanted Vanilla with Vanilla frosting. Ice Cream, no Chocolate.

The few friends I had were gone at the start of High School. I went to Auburn for JROTC whereas everyone I knew and lived by went to Jefferson. The second Football adventure was freshman year. I still wanted to be a kicker. Same story as in middle school. Offensive line and offensive line only. I was never given a chance to play on defense. After a few practices I told the Freshman coach that I wanted to be the kicker. I even was practicing with my mom on the weekends. When I went out during the special teams practice the coach would not let me kick. He informed me I was only there as punishment to chase after the balls. I was too fat to be a kicker. I belonged on the line. He never gave me a chance to show him I made a 50 yard field goal practicing over the weekend.

At some point in high school my weight broke over 400 pounds. I always carry my weight well because of my large frame. High school is when my size was really starting to affect everything in my life. I always had to get to class early as only certain desks had extra room. Squeezing into the other desks was very uncomfortable and embarrassing. I always knew when someone left gum under the desk as it would get stuck on my shirt that was being pressed up under the desk.

Clothing was becoming a nice challenge. The JROTC instructor had to work some magic to find a uniform to fit me. A simple bowling shirt was a challenge as well. High School was when I got my first real nickname that I enjoyed. Big Kenny. Kind of like Big Mike from the movie The Blind Side. I was pretty much the biggest person throughout High School but everyone that truly knew me would know I was just a big teddy bear.

High school is when the fast food desires peaked. This is when I conditioned my brain to live on fast food. My first year of high school my sister would get me food on her lunch and leave it in the car. Once I had my license, fast food was almost daily staple. I would even go to multiple places to order food just so the person in the drive thru would not think it was all for me or just multiple meals with several drinks.

Wouldn’t you think that in College the desks would get bigger? Think about it, you can now bring your laptop to class to take notes and the textbooks have certainly gotten bigger and of course 1000 times the price. To me it seems the desks got even smaller. Yes, I know my size is getting bigger but now the desk is some little piece of wood that slides up. You know what happens when your fat? That little piece of wood will not come all the way up and go flat because either A your leg is in the way or B your stomach is too far over. You learn to write on an angle. Some classrooms will have actual tables or desks in the front but of course your getting there early to find that one seat that you fit. Going to a meeting or the library? Make sure you there early to scout out where you can sit and fit.

My first college adventure was Automotive school. I took every class required to become a mechanic. Working on cars was something I learned from my father. It was a natural choice for a career. Great strength was perfect for breaking things lose on cars. Reaching into tight places was a challenge but surprisingly not that bad since I was in class with all guys. The bottom of my toolbox was filled with Mountain Dew, chips and Slim Jims. I think i could retire if i had a fraction of the money back that was spent on Mountain dew or Slim Jims. Of course I had the big bottles since a can was pretty useless since it was a pop open, one maybe two drinks then gone. Of course you can’t forget the king size candy bars.

I lived on junk food and fast food. When I was at home and cooked dinner, my favorite was Kraft Macaroni and Cheese with hot dogs cut up. At some point, a box went from being a side dish at dinner to being a meal. I would take a box of Macaroni and cheese and cut up a whole package of hot dogs. Yes, a whole box and 10 hot dogs. Back then I was not surprised how much I could eat but now looking back on it, rather disturbing. Hot dogs and Mac and Cheese was easily 2500 calories and that was just one meal for the day. My go to meal at McDonald was a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese super size of course and usually a 20 piece Chicken nuggets and if I was hungry maybe a couple double cheeseburgers. Double cheeseburgers were the perfect food to get when I was going to get food for others. I could eat a few on the way home or where ever I was going and easily dispose of the wrappers.

Since moving to Arizona in 2003, I have done my fair share of weight loss diets and fads.   I have done south beach, Atkins, HCG, slim fast and several others I am sure as well.  I have completed in and won a couple weight loss challenges at different gyms. However, I learned that spending lots of money to lose a big chunk of weight following a strict diet and sometime certain meal replacement shakes is not always sustainable long term.  My weight has been floating between 400 and 600 for some time.  I am sure at a few points